Wednesday, December 07, 2005
i'm hurt
at a time like this, who will be there to talk to me? i just need someone totally unaware of everything, and will talk to me as per normal. someone who never knew he existed so they wouldn't ask where's he.
i cannot sleep. i cannot breathe properly. why do i have to remind myself that i'm okay if i really am? i don't want your sympathy. all i need is a friendship, to be there and keep me awake, away from those memories that kept pouring in. you've had your fair share of a failed relationship, you know how bitter this time will be.
i left friends for him. now when this love couldn't work out, i shouldn't run to them. in the 1st place, i shouldn't even tell. re-enactment pains me more. one more person i tell, means one more replay of the painful break up.
there are so many things i miss (think of) and they i have missed (gone). and only now that they're beyond my reach, i know how much they mean. i'm always a step slower. you're quick. you wouldn't stay a moment to wait. is it okay that you leave someone you claimed to love behind just like this? baby it's awful to be filled to the brim with tears and fears. i'm haunted by the nightmares that comes by every time i shut my eyes. when am i gonna collapse?
i miss the protective you who would scold people who irritates me in the most arrogant manner. i miss the stupid look on your face when i say something ridiculous. i miss the attitude you show when i dunno wad's going on. i miss you telling me i'm your first priority and will always be. i miss watching you play your dumb dota silently in one corner of your room. i miss the way you tell me how much i mean to you. i miss the times you pick me up to and from school. i miss your calls that never fail to wake me up. i miss the way you try to sound so full of sense and it doesn't at all. i miss bastarding you in front of your friends and watch you go embarrassed. i miss the drunk you who happen to be the sweetest. i miss being that someone who will always be behind you. i miss the proud feeling of walking beside you. i miss disturbing the shy you. i miss laughing so hard at your spastic actions. i miss the plans we had for the future. i miss your sayangs, your coaxes, your tickle on the chin with that silly 'why?'. i miss your pouts, your twist and turns for wanting something. i miss your acting cool. i miss the times you try to give me a surprise. i miss the idiot who wanna act so mysterious. i miss the man who said he wanna marry me. i miss you wrapping your arms around me whenever i start to cry. i miss the way you always disagree with me and wanna win. i miss the person who's always so pissed off with me.
damn there are so many tings about you that made up the whole of me. why had i taken so long just to find out?
of all the things i miss, i really miss you.
thank you for everything. even the unpleasant surprises, i have learnt to love.
at the end of everything, i didn't know i'll be the one crying the hardest. and you won't even know cos you'll never get to see this.
is it too late?
- 3:50:00 AM
____________________________________________________________________
valued creeps
BUBU
bestie
since 1998
great laugher, horrible classmate,
female duet, weeding partner
________________________________________________________
JAMIE
honeh
since 2000
always on my side, club partner,
digresser, great companion
________________________________________________________
WEESIN
sister
since 1999
duet partner, confidant,
sibei onz, trustworthy
________________________________________________________
CLARA
meanie
since 2005
scream-2-gather
________________________________________________________
JEWEL
meanie
since 2005
similarities, like-minded
________________________________________________________
ALEXANDER
boyfriend
since 2000
ah blah blah blah
________________________________________________________
INCOMPLETE
BUY ME SOME
a best friend
samsung z500
peak&pine lovely bikini on pastel pink & frills
levi's pattyann
black framed glasses
all the fucking royce choc
30" or so baby piglet
poh heng - "my name" piglet bracelet
pink chiffon tube dress with center frills
gojane tube
abercrombie bianca
sandisk transflash memory card
24" christmas collection piglet
international driving licence
levi's type1 shorts
burberry timepiece
dior shades
yamaha's silent cello
a customized jigsaw puzzle of our picture
gold baby piglet
"The Lion Roars" Dvd/Vcd
pohheng's piglet in love hoop
pendant
nikon coolpix s5
adidas m.e.
our starcruise
adobe photoshop cs2
that danielyam dress
dinner at prima tower
'heart-to-get' guess watch
need for speed: most wanted
yorkshire terrier
coach hamptons signature perforated large carryall
osim upapa LOL but I'M DEAD SERIOUS
levis ladies style black/pink frame specs
coach business - lanyard
burberry nova check satchel
motorazr maxx v6
movies
wet dreams 2
fantastic 4
red candy
the maid
charlie and the chocolate factory
wedding crashers
the island
sin city
the truth about love
bewitched
land of the dead
one more chance
red eye
herbie fully loaded
the brothers grimm
the dukes of hazzard
night watch
a sound of thunder
the longest yard
the cave
the red shoes
the skeleton key
corpse bride
deuce bigalow - european gigolo
devils rejects
40-year-old virgin
cello
wig
transporter2
M.A.I.D
chicken little
aeonflux
oliver twist
the exorcism of emily rose
zathura
sky high
tom-yum-goong
king kong
prime
the descent
the promise
a chinese tall story
wallace & gromit - the curse of the were-rabbit
the family stone
in her shoes
memoirs of a geisha
elizabethtown
the dark
the fog
fun with dick and jane
cheaper by the dozen 2
rumor has it
zoolander
the pink panther
munich
underworld evolution
dorm
transamerica
date movie
v for vendetta
nanny mcphee
hills have eyes
failure to launch
yours mine & ours
ultraviolet
ice age 2
the wild
firewall
art of seduction
reincarnation
tristan&isolde
inside man
when a stranger calls
poseidon
the da vinci code
x-men: the last stand
over the hedge
cars
slither
benchwarmers
she's the man
superman returns
just my luck
scary movie 4
RV
the nun
garfield 2
nacho libre
hoodwinked
the lake house
lady in the water
click
my super ex-girlfriend
the ant bully
adam apples
the break-up
barnyard
monster house
the devil wears prada
lovewrecked
little man
pulse
stay alive
you, me and dupree
john tucker must die
friends with money
gigolo wannabe
rob-b-hood
talladega nights
death note
world trade center
the convenant
flushed away
material girls
step up
happy feet
tenacious d
open season
night at the museum
death note 2 the last name
borat
just follow law
norbit
i'm a cyborg but that's ok
300
stomp the yard
mr bean's holiday
because i said so
the hills have eyes 2
200 pounds beauty
meet the robinsons
shrek3
spider lilies
surf's up
evan almighty
ratatouille
hairspray
and becos of honey...
chronicles of narnia
mission: impossible III
the fast and the furious: tokyo drift
pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest
snakes on a plane
miami vice
casino royale 007
eragon
ghost rider
tmnt
spiderman3
pirates of the caribbean: at world's end
harry potter and the order of the phoenix
tranformers
the bourne ultimatum
rush hour 3
